THE GREAT REMONSTRANCE: TTD Challenge #1

Jarvis here...

Not gonna lie, I've had my nose in a thesaurus for a good 10 minutes coming up with a name for this one. Definitely nailed it.

So here's a new feature I want to introduce: THE GREAT REMONSTRANCE will be a weekly/monthly/whenever-I-get-around-to-it contest for our loyal readers. Part challenge/part brain-teaser/part scavenger hunt. Understand? Neither do I. So here we go:

TTD Challenge #1: Somebody bring me a piece of Andy Martino's beard. 

This clown's utter lack of professionalism is just mind-boggling. My mind really shouldn't be so boggled, right? He's been doing this since he handled his first pen(fifteen). He's got a press pass so he thinks he's more powerful than Jeebus. And the fact that Rubin, Puma & Klapisch, while clowns themselves, at least man up to their occasional bullshit, just makes Martino that much more of a joke. YOU'RE A SPORTSWRITER! WRITE ABOUT SPORTS! I spent 3+ hours watching the Mets/Astros last night, too. Don't tell me nothing happened. Blah blah blah? You fucking hack.


So what now...you hate your job? Miss the Phillies? Or are you just that much of a twerp that you know that your job is a joke & you're going to continue to treat it as such. Tell me this, Martino: what would you rather be doing? Do you like animals? Veterinarian. Do you like sweets? Hand out candy at a gay strip club. Find something you like because it really seems like you're wasting everyone's time.

Shit...this contest sort of turned into a rant there, didn't it? Well, here's the contest: SOMEBODY BRING ME A PIECE OF ANDY MARTINO'S BEARD. I don't care how you get it, I don't want to know or be involved. Snip a piece off while he naps during games (he's got to, right?). Tell him you're making a voodoo doll. Whatever works. Just SOMEBODY BRING ME A PIECE OF ANDY MARTINO'S BEARD.

Winner gets an autographed The Toy Dept poster signed by both myself & Trip. Shit, we gotta make some posters.

NOTE: If you can't successfully procure a piece of Martino's beard for us, we will also accept a piece of Bob Raissman's moustache or Ken Rosenthal's bowtie. 


-JARVIS O'DELL